“Uh-huh, Uh-huh, Yo, Yo…”

Thoughts on being the Mommy.

This is a stretch. I try not to share things close to my heart because then that requires me sharing something close to my heart (duh). Motherhood is one of those things. The minute Chunk #1 entered my life I knew my life had completely changed. Of course, when you’re pregnant you try prepping yourself for this new adventure but, in my case, nothing really prepped me. I read the books, went to the classes, talked to my friends, still, nothing prepped me for the brand new heart that I would grow on my sleeve. That night, as I held him close, I could feel the anxiety and fear wash over me like cool water. In a way, I pitied the poor boy because I knew he was my little “guinea pig”, thrown into one mothering experiment after another. I didn’t want to mess up but I knew I would, and that frightened me. I surrounded myself with books and tried real hard to follow my Mother’s Intuition, but still, fear seemed to rule my mothering. That really annoyed me, but what can I say, that was my path of learning I guess.

So, when it was time for Chunk #2 to enter this world, I did NOT want to go through the fear vortex again (sure, that’s what we’ll call it). I changed my perspective, had a lot more faith (not just in spiritual matters, but also in myself), and, even though the books are good, I needed to look to myself and the Lord. So, the night after Chunk #2 was born, I remember being so grateful that I wasn’t letting in any fear. I took her into our front room and rocked her all night. I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t overwhelmed, I was just plain old HAPPY, it was how a mother SHOULD feel after having a baby. I knew I would make mistakes but it didn’t scare me this time. Well, now I have to laugh because I could totally be scarring my children for life and here’s me saying “Hey, it’s ok to mess up sometimes.” They both bring me such joy, and they have taught me so much. I’m just so glad I don’t have to be perfect to be a mom.

Motherhood is crazy. It’s a crazy thing. I can’t say it enough. I never really wanted to grow up so maybe that’s why it is so daunting and amazing to me. With two children I feel like I’m walking around with two extra hearts.

But, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love these little Turkeys (mis pavitos).

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6 responses

  1. Wendy

    Cute photos! #1 is looking so OLD in that second shot–sheesh!

    I can relate with the overwhelmed feelings with my #1, but it seems to have gotten less with each child. Funny, though, that the anxiety with #1 is still there to a certain degree–I wonder if it’s because he’s my first child to be experiencing everything or just his personality quirks that make it that way. You know, crazy. Crazy but so in love with the little punk that I don’t know what to do.

    You are such a great mom and I learn so much from how generous and giving you are. Happy Mother’s Day, La!

    May 12, 2008 at 4:35 am

  2. What a sweet post. I love your perspective on being a mother. It IS a crazy, amazing experience!
    It’s also interesting how the anxiety about doing everything “perfect” decreases with each successive child.

    May 13, 2008 at 6:17 pm

  3. Courtney Nielson

    such beautiful words laura and you’re a beautiful mom (& primary prez 🙂

    May 22, 2008 at 6:16 am

  4. Lisa

    I totally know where you are coming from. Being the responsible one is pretty freaky huh?

    May 22, 2008 at 11:41 pm

  5. Lisa

    Oh man, I just saw your link to “Dart” on the side. THE DART!!!???? HOLY CRAP girl, there’s a memory!!! Are you still in contact with him.?? Wow.!!!

    May 22, 2008 at 11:48 pm

  6. Matt

    Hello!

    I am contacting you because I am working with the authors of a book about blogs, and I’d like to request permission to use a photograph of yours in this book. Please contact me at matt@wefeelfine.org, and I’d be happy to give you more information about the project. Please paste a link to your blog in the subject field. Your assistance is greatly appreciated.

    Sincerely,

    Matt
    matt@wefeelfine.org

    November 13, 2008 at 5:47 pm

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