“Uh-huh, Uh-huh, Yo, Yo…”

So…that’s life…unscripted even

In my previous pregnancies I waited a long time to tell people I was pregnant.  Like, 16 weeks.  The first was because I was in denial, the second was because I thought it was a fun game.  But both had the underlying reason of “just in case we miscarry, we’ll wait to share.”  This one I waited 9 weeks.

Yesterday, when I finished my post, and just before I clicked “publish”, something in me asked, is this too soon?  Naw.

Later that afternoon, however, I found that,  for lack of a better description, something was “amiss”.  I worried, did some research, felt ok, hopeful even, and went to bed.

Around 2:00 am I had to come to terms that I would, in fact, be experiencing a miscarriage.

I guess you could call this post a “retraction”. And yes, at about 3:00 am I was kicking myself for posting the announcement.  But that IS life and it IS unscripted.  And this blog, is to share parts of my journey in motherhood.

If you’re wondering how I feel, just tired.  I will say this though, a miscarriage sucks.  (I don’t like to use the word “suck” because I feel my 15 year old self feel slightly ashamed as the voice of my father says: “We don’t talk like that.”  And I don’t.  I really don’t like that word in that context.  It bugs.  However, I find it fitting here  and I’m not saying it, I’m typing it…..and there you have it.)

Mainly, I feel sad.

Luckily I had El Jefe with me.  The kids are sick and so he is offering all sorts of support.  And as always, he finds a way to make me laugh.

Exhibit A:  When I asked how we would tell the kids about this he said:  “Maybe we should tell them that the leprachauns took the baby.”  I imagined in my head my children hating St. Patrick’s day for their whole lives because “the leprachauns took away our baby.”  Sick sense of humor.  We cracked up for a good five minutes.

Joking aside, I apologize for the retraction, for getting anyone’s hopes up etc.. etc…

But please know that blue skies are ahead.

photo by La

Muchos besos.


10 responses

  1. Julie

    I love you La and it totally does suck. Just let yourself be sad and give yourself time to recover. People can potentially say lots of lame things but just remember that even though we didn’t know for very long, you guys did and you’ve got lots of excitement and love invested.

    Tell your kids about the leprechaun and then make them watch Darby O Gill. That should solidify the holiday for them forever. Fear and anger galore.

    March 18, 2010 at 8:12 am

  2. Oh, Laura, I’m so sorry.

    If it makes you feel any better (umm, probably not but I’ll try), a lady in my ward just miscarried for the 4th time. On the bright side of things, out of 8 pregnancies, she’s had 4 beautiful, healthy children.

    Eat something yummy, curl up and let El Jefe pamper you.

    PS: If I see a leprechaun running my way w/a baby, I’ll stab it.

    March 18, 2010 at 9:47 am

  3. Lindsay

    So sorry Laura. I know how hard this is. Hang in there, take your time. I love you!

    March 18, 2010 at 10:29 am

  4. Love you La, wish I could hug you.

    March 18, 2010 at 11:13 am

  5. Wendy

    I only read blogs once or twice a week (though I do faithfully read yours), so I didn’t get to be excited for you because I read this first.

    SO sorry.

    Praying for you and love you!

    March 18, 2010 at 11:43 am

  6. Hey, sucks totally fits. And I’m sorry.

    March 18, 2010 at 12:03 pm

  7. HBA

    So sorry to hear the news. I know it’s no fun. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. Sending lots of hugs from Idaho!

    March 18, 2010 at 12:43 pm

  8. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, Laura. It does suck, big time.

    March 18, 2010 at 3:26 pm

  9. Lauren Foutz

    Love you Laura!!!! I am so sorry this happened, but things will work out great!

    March 18, 2010 at 3:28 pm

  10. Ty

    Hang in there. We love you La.

    March 19, 2010 at 8:47 am

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