So…that’s life…unscripted even
In my previous pregnancies I waited a long time to tell people I was pregnant. Like, 16 weeks. The first was because I was in denial, the second was because I thought it was a fun game. But both had the underlying reason of “just in case we miscarry, we’ll wait to share.” This one I waited 9 weeks.
Yesterday, when I finished my post, and just before I clicked “publish”, something in me asked, is this too soon? Naw.
Later that afternoon, however, I found that, for lack of a better description, something was “amiss”. I worried, did some research, felt ok, hopeful even, and went to bed.
Around 2:00 am I had to come to terms that I would, in fact, be experiencing a miscarriage.
I guess you could call this post a “retraction”. And yes, at about 3:00 am I was kicking myself for posting the announcement. But that IS life and it IS unscripted. And this blog, is to share parts of my journey in motherhood.
If you’re wondering how I feel, just tired. I will say this though, a miscarriage sucks. (I don’t like to use the word “suck” because I feel my 15 year old self feel slightly ashamed as the voice of my father says: “We don’t talk like that.” And I don’t. I really don’t like that word in that context. It bugs. However, I find it fitting here and I’m not saying it, I’m typing it…..and there you have it.)
Mainly, I feel sad.
Luckily I had El Jefe with me. The kids are sick and so he is offering all sorts of support. And as always, he finds a way to make me laugh.
Exhibit A: When I asked how we would tell the kids about this he said: “Maybe we should tell them that the leprachauns took the baby.” I imagined in my head my children hating St. Patrick’s day for their whole lives because “the leprachauns took away our baby.” Sick sense of humor. We cracked up for a good five minutes.
Joking aside, I apologize for the retraction, for getting anyone’s hopes up etc.. etc…
But please know that blue skies are ahead.