“Uh-huh, Uh-huh, Yo, Yo…”

la mamacheetah instruction manual

It would be good if we all had our own instruction manual. We could throw in topics like, “How to thoroughly charm me,” or “This is my ‘love language’ and why,” or “What to do in case of mood swings.”

Here is a section on “Things that annoy me:”

#1 -Please don’t touch me with your feet. I don’t like anyone putting their feet on me with out permission. If you want to touch me with your feet, you must ask  first. And since most people don’t ask to do such things why don’t you just not put your feet on me, ok? Thank you.

#2 If I tell you I hate cats and I have a long history of reasons to hate cats, please don’t insist on acting like one around me. That’s right, don’t meow at me and refuse to speak English. Please especially don’t do this while rubbing your feet on me.

#3 When I’m on the computer ….please…. just don’t touch me. This sounds a little “OCD,” I know, but it used to be that I just didn’t want to be mauled. Then I didn’t want to have anyone on my lap. Then I didn’t want anyone rubbing their nose on me. Then I didn’t want anyone leaning on me. Now, I just don’t even want to be touched. If you must touch me, please wait until I’m done stressing out over whatever it is I’m working on at the computer.  Thanks.  Also, if you need my attention while I’m at the computer, do not impatiently repeat my name over and over if you expect a civil response from me.

Perhaps these are things I should work on. Perhaps. But for now, this is part of my instruction manual (Especially right now…while I’m working at the computer…. with my “attention starved” “cat children” around me).

What’s in your instruction manual? I won’t judge your quirks, I promise.

Happy Easter.

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7 responses

  1. Julie

    Don’t clip your nails at church, at the movie theater, at the grocery store or ANYWHERE else I can hear you!

    Also, don’t ask me for a snack within 2 hours of eating a meal. I just made you a freaking meal!

    p.s. Remember when we trapped all those cats by the dumpster?

    April 3, 2010 at 9:58 pm

  2. mamacheetah

    HA! Those suckers used to scare the crap out of me. I’d throw the trash in and one of them would come jumping out at me. Hated it. I also remember you yelling (perhaps just raising your voice so you could be heard) to someone at the new Wilkinson Center because they were clipping their nails on the balcony clear on the other side of that big courtyard/eating area. I was totally with you on that one. And it still makes me laugh.

    April 3, 2010 at 10:40 pm

  3. La—
    LOVE this blog essay! Can I copy you on this someday and use this idea for my blog?

    Ah yes! Wouldn’t life be easier with instruction manuals for each of us, especially husbands and children? ;o)

    My instruction manual would say, “No going behind my desk @ school. Needs LOTS of positive praise and hugs from hubby and sons. Works better when given Ghiradelli’s Twilight chocolate.”
    Cori

    April 4, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    • mamacheetah

      Go ahead and use it. Life would be easier if we could hand each other a little manual and say “here, read this, it will explain everything.”

      April 9, 2010 at 10:45 am

  4. gka

    Meow,

    Meow meow meowing meow meeeeeow meow! Meow meow meow meow meowly meow.

    Meowly,

    –Greg

    April 4, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    • mamacheetah

      Yes, I was expecting this…

      April 9, 2010 at 10:46 am

  5. Wendy

    Are you sure it’s not an instruction manuel? (sorry, just finished reading el jefe’s blog.)

    In my instruction manual: DON’T ask me for help with your homework when it’s time to go to bed. Just go to bed. I can’t deal with the drama that late at night.

    DO give me hugs but DON’T for all that is sane and beautiful in the world hang on me. I. can’t. take. it.

    That is all, at least for now.

    April 4, 2010 at 7:59 pm

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