“I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till I drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.”
Jack’s quote from “On the Road” makes me feel better about myself.
I recall a discussion with my mother many years ago. She is a realist. I am not. There are a few times in my life where this made us clash (just a bit). The discussion was based on my disposition of being interested in too many things. I didn’t understand. What was wrong with wanting to learn piano, violin, dance, swimming, basketball, volleyball, softball, photography and still manage going to school? Later in life I tried my hand in drawing, modern dance, long distance running, racquetball, tennis, writing, mountain biking, and who knows what else. I thought this was normal. My mom’s point was that if I didn’t discipline myself in just a few areas I will master nothing. Well, of course she was right. But, my disposition hasn’t changed. These days I continue spreading myself too thin. These days I would love to learn to cook and bake better, sew better, make quilts, learn woodworking, gardening, guitar, be organized, read more, learn more at home renovation (?!), do another triathlon, go back to the piano, be a better mommy, learn about herbs, and write, write, write.
“I like too many things” but I won’t fight it anymore. I’ve stopped chastising myself. I will keep chasing stars and getting confused. I love this world. I want to experience everything in it. Is it bad that I’ll never master anything?
I don’t feel like answering that right now.
For now, I’ll just write about it. This blog is not a niche blog. I’ve not mastered the art of motherhood or wifehood. My writing is amateur. My photography is mostly stolen from my husband. And everything else will get thrown in the mess. “I have nothing to offer . . . but my own confusion.”
What stars have you been chasing lately?