It’s fascinating for me, sometimes, to know that I am still growing up. It’s not that it’s a new concept to me, it’s just that it fascinates me.
I stopped growing at 5’10”. But inside, I know I will never stop growing (to which I hear a resounding “duh”). In the realm of this inside growth, I’m a bit of a late bloomer. I never wanted to grow up. It’s true—ask my mother. There is just too much to experience in this world, and, in the past, I’ve seen growing up and taking on responsibilities as a handicap in “experience.” Obviously, I was wrong. I mean really, as I read what I’ve written, what a childish thought.
I’ve been wrong about other things as well. I’ve expected some of these experiences to just alight on me like a pleasant spring breeze. Because of this confusion, there are times where I’ve just stood on the side waiting for “my turn”. I did not Carpe Diem, as it were. While I watched others dive into opportunities, scary or not, I’ve stood back and just tested the waters. Sometimes I had to be pushed in. Like when I went to Argentina to share my heart and soul to the lovely people there, I was pushed. Or when I became a teacher, my student teaching experience was a slow ease in the shallow end and when I was hired, I was dunked. Or even getting married, having children, buying a house. These were reluctant steps that I’ve taken, usually involving a wrestling match.
So, I’m no giant, inside. I know some spiritual, emotional, mental giants, young and old, and I can only aspire to be like them. But I don’t dwell on this comparison. I just admire their growth. And I admire my own growth, in the inches that they come. In the last month I’ve grown quite a bit. The amazing thing is it started January 5th and ended February 5th (at least that’s my declaration, that it ended February 5th. No more!). I was stretched and pulled, not in salt water taffy fashion but more like being tied to the handle bars and let go to hang a while. I think I’ll give myself two inches in this experience. I had weekly, in-my-face growing experiences. Meaning, I could not turn away, I just had to say, well OK then, let’s have a go.
Dare I say it? I’ve matured. Really, I have matured and it’s fascinating. In one month I can see how the old me would it react to certain situations and how the new me reacts now – it’s very different. So, here’s to giving myself a gratuitous pat on the back in the echo chambers of the internet machine, here’s to a free-write on my enlightening month of January, and here’s to self improvement.
So tell me, how was your January?
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