“Uh-huh, Uh-huh, Yo, Yo…”

The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali

I just love the evolution of “Me”!

Am I full of myself today? Yes, but I’m not trying to say that I’m totally evolved, that I’ve reached my “evolutional masterpiece.” I’m just saying I love my changes and lessons and am so happy that I’m not 18 anymore (well, mentally anyway).

This weekend I saw some of my old friends from my childhood and adolescence.  What a great bunch of people.  And the beauty of it all is that though we are all planted in different locations and blooming in different ways, our roots run deep and our roots are maybe even holding  hands or give each other high-fives (assuming our roots have hands….bad analogy?  I don’t care, I like the image).  They knew the spaz I was.  But perhaps they can see the spaz I now suppress.  I’m still me but I’m a different me.  Same with them.  They are all the same but different and oh so wonderful.

Just like John Hughes teen movies educated me to do, I have looked for ways to define myself.  But this drama has carried on through my twenties and especially my thirties and it needs to stop.  The problem is, I can’t define myself.  I really can’t.  My “me” is not easily summed up in the word “Mother” or “Wife”.  And then there are other words.  I study herbs, but saying I’m an “Herbalist”, well that’s just too much.  I love writing, but dare I say I’m a “Writer”?  (Yes I dare, but it’s taking me so long). I am also a “Believer” in God, my religion, miracles – but do I always live up to it?  Oh, and I was once a “Teacher,” a word I clung to for so many years,  but it seems to be dissipating within me.  I most definitely am a “Blogger” but there are other notions that come with it that I can’t always subscribe to.

Words are so powerful.  Though they have definite meanings, the connotations change from person to person.  Maybe that’s my problem, I’m too aware of the connotations.  Instead of defining myself I need to connotate myself (whatever that means).

Anywho, this is on my mind.  That’s all.  And Free-write February is over today.  What will tomorrow bring?  I, too am wondering that.

In the mean time, along with my free-write ramblings, here is a list of places where I’ve “found myself”  or “defined myself” or “connotated myself” (yeah, I see it still doesn’t quite work):

1.  In a swimming pool on Harmon Ave and another one, many years later, at the YMCA.

2.  In the photo dark room at Chaparral High School.

3. Behind the lens of an old Nikon F model with a hand-held light meter.

4. In Argentina.  Specifically in the towns of Venado Tuerto, Cañada De Gomez, Rosario, and Victoria.

5. In the classrooms, hallways, computer labs, and the library (old and new) of BYU campus.

6.  In front of a classroom of students trying to positively influence tomorrow’s future.

7.  In a small apartment in Henderson with a brand new baby.

8.  In a little blue bungalow, downtown and continually evolving into something more and more beautiful.

This list could go on, but not today.


Tell me, where have you found yourself?


***Image credit:   I don’t know.  I came across this image a long time ago and downloaded it without the info.  I will gladly give credit when I figure out where I got it.

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5 responses

  1. La-I don’t know why, but this post brought tears to my eyes. I love your honesty and your self-exploration and your willingness to share. Love you!
    XOXO Susan

    February 28, 2011 at 3:50 pm

  2. What a great post. I have spent the past two weeks seeing old friends and it’s such a beautiful curiosity that I didn’t have words for. Thanks for finding my words.

    I found myself in The Grand Canyon. But I don’t have the body, energy, or money to keep finding myself in nature like I NEED and WANT to. Evolution is exciting and bittersweet. You have to fight to hold onto a lot of things. You have to let go of a lot of things when your arms welcome a new life etc.

    Much to think about. Thanks for this post!

    March 1, 2011 at 12:05 am

  3. I enjoyed reading this and what a question, how do we define ourselves. With me I think that the wheel of our roles and guises is always revolving but at the centre, at our core we remain ‘us’.

    Thanks for linking to I Saw Sunday, I hope you will still pop back and join in even though your February freewrite is over, we enjoyed having you along. 🙂

    March 1, 2011 at 2:52 am

  4. Barbara

    Fascinating piece of writing. Reminds me of a girlfriend of 41 years who tells me that I was always the ‘adventurous one’ and that I ‘haven’t changed’ – I’m not so sure about that!

    March 3, 2011 at 5:51 pm

  5. I found myself most recently on a plate of cookie brownies, it was hideous (mm hmm, hideous delicious).

    🙂 Great post, girl! Are you writing your novel or more poetry this month? And want to join up for a local poetry reading soon, lmk!

    March 6, 2011 at 11:10 pm

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